Smarty Girl Leadership

My WordPress Blog

  • About The Editors
    • About Erica
      • Erica on Fashion/Tech in Vegas
  • Home
    • Tech News
      • Wired’s Clive Thompson Interview
    • Entrepreneur Tips
      • CEO Beer Summits
    • Entertainment
      • Live Concert Review
      • Book Reviews
  • Dating & Other Sports
    • Dating Soccer Players
    • Bicycling
      • Bike Pretty Blogger Melissa Davies
  • DIY
    • Photo Editing Tutorial
    • Fitness Tips
    • Healthy Eating
    • #FilmRace
  • Audio Scriptwriting and Video Storytelling Services

5 Ways to Be a Better Woman Friend this Fall: October Domestic Violence Awareness Month

September 17, 2012 by smartygirl Leave a Comment

Lindsey Palmer wrote the Redbook article, “10 Ways to Keep a Woman Safe from Domestic Violence“. SmartyGirl Readers look out for each other so I’ve re-posted two of my favorite, easy to do,  tips from Palmer. Maybe this month you will have the opportunity to help a fellow SmartyGirl.

SmartyGirls know to be wise and not offer to “fix” another person’s problems. Disclaimer: SmartyGirlHome does not claim to be a legal resource or a counseling site. Please seek legal advice and medical attention from professionals. 

Before offering help, define your boundaries. Are you able to provide a home cooked meal, transportation or temporary housing? Before committing, discuss with your spouse what he will be comfortable doing for your friend.

Photo Credit: Amazon.com Lundberg’s I Don’t Have to Make Everything All Better

Photo Credit: Renee Marchol Kimochis Feelings Doll  at Jeffery’s Toys of San Francisco

Also if you have children, you may decide not to be involved directly in helping your girlfriend.

Why? Because you cannot be certain your children can take the upheaval of such an outside conflict or their ability to be discreet (i.e. not disclosing that someone is staying at your home because she is fleeing abuse).

Consider your children’s feelings and fears.

1. Shop for a cause through Macy’s. Disclaimer: I interviewed a girlfriend who works for Macy’s. Last month when my husband and I went to Stonestown Galleria in Daly City/San Francisco Macy’s to pick up some men’s sweaters, I noticed this promotion.

2. Recycle communication devices. http://www.recyclefordomesticviolence.com/ is a non profit that collects and distributes tablets, cell phones and other electronic devices that can help a woman fleeing from domestic violence to stay in contact with her trusted SmartyGirl friends and look up local housing and counseling services.

Photo Credit: SmartyGirlLeadership (SGL) Black Nokia Lumia 822 Windows Phone Donate Your Old Smartphone to a Domestic Violence Survivor Women’s Shelter
3. Thought-starters. A SmartyGirl reader may find herself in a dangerous situation. I’ve listed some local and national resources.
Who will listen?  Who can direct you  to resources available to you?
24 hour Crisis Hotlines
Where might you find emergency, temporary housing?

  • Shelters. Keep in mind that many shelters have a 3-step process: 45 minute phone screen, evaluation by an intake counselor and in person meeting before you can be eligible for a bed for the night. 

This means that shelters may not be the first place to go for emergency housing since you may be put on a waiting list for several weeks. For example, if you are single and without children you will be considered lower priority than a woman fleeing with a child. 

 Most shelters have a curfew of 8 P.M. and a mandatory counseling class for employment or abuse survivors.

     Ask about responsibilities, conditions and expectations before selecting a shelter for your housing. Find out if you must provide your own toiletries including bath towels and toilet paper. Inquire if you are allowed to store you belongings at the shelter and provide a combination lock while you are at work. If not, you may have to rent a storage space because storing items in your car may invite a break in.

    Photo Credit: Renee Marchol Brown Rice and Beans

     How will you pay your food bills? What are longer term, housing options?

    • Food stamps and Section 8 (low income housing). If you were living with your boyfriend you may be evaluated by intake counselors more quickly in constrast to if you are still legally married but separated. 

    For instance if you are supporting yourself and living apart, you may still have a joint checking account that will be calculated and make you ineligible for government aide. However, you may consider private charities and church organizations that assist women.

    Find out more about the housing options through these private charities.

    Photo Credit: Renee Marchol Asparagus Puff Pastry
    • What are some of the host’s “house rules”? 
    • Who else will be sharing the common living areas? 
    • Are their toilets, showers, and kitchens for common use? 
    • Will you be expected to prepare meals once per week, report to your host about status of separation, do chores or provide a stipend for utilities?

     Stay only where your boundaries are respected. For instance if a religious course is mandatory and this makes you uncomfortable, you may choose not to accept the charity’s help.

      How will you receive bills in the mail, paychecks, property from your former home?

      • Mediation Services
      This is a professional paid by the couple as an objective third party to facilitate discussion about dividing expenses during the separation (i.e. childcare costs, current bills, name removal from lease, paying for a PO Box, storage costs, creating an individual bank account).

      Some mediation services offer a sliding scale the accomodates for partners who do not make the same wage. For instance, $300 per hour is a normal mediation service fee. This is for couples who are not using a restraining order but have come to an impasse about taking care of practical matters during separation.

      Who can help you right now to be safe from abuse?

      • Law Enforcement
      The police can issue a temporary restraining order if you make a report of domestic violence. The condition is that you must stay on the premises or be within a certain number of feet where it happened and wait for law enforcement to arrive so they can do an interview and make their evaluation. This means you are staying within reach of the batterer. 
      Domestic Violence/Civil Harassment Restraining Orders with Personal Conduct Requests so you are not harassed at your place of work or temporary safe house during your separation

      What if you need to request that another person stay away from your place or employment or temporary housing? You can specific personal conduct requests through court order.

      Forms
      Domestic Violence Restraining Order for California
      Civil Harassment Restraining Order for California FAQ

      Photo Credit: Renee Marchol Alpine Bakery of Concord, CA Wedding Cakes


      Where can you receive individual counseling or marriage counseling? 

      Secular sources:

      Kaiser Permanente Anger Management and Couple Communication Skills Health Courses taught by Marriage/Family Therapists

      Religious groups:

      Church marriage counseling services

      Photo Credit: Amazon.com Mack’s Preparing for Marriage God’s Way

      Book recommendations:
      Preparing for Marriage God’s Way: A Step-by-Step Guide for Marriage Readiness and After the Wedding Conflicts by Wayne Mack

      Photo Credit: Amazon.com Phillips’s How Can I Be Sure? Questions to Ask

      How Can I Be Sure? Questions to Ask Before You Get Married by Bob Philips


      What if you have questions about separation or divorce?

      • Family Law Attorneys recommended on Yelp.com

      Filed Under: Christian women retreat, domestic violence awareness month, domestic violence facts, women friendship

      Indie Filmmaking

      Leave a Reply Cancel reply

      Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

      Connect with me

      • Facebook
      • Google+
      • Twitter

      Subscribe to new post alerts

      By signing up, you agree to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy.

      Popular Posts

      Meet Team Tacoma: The 48 Hour Film Project Seattle

      By smartygirl on July 25, 2014

        My white Nokia smartphone is smeared with mini chocolate donut and I couldn’t be happier. Why? Tonight was the kickoff production meeting for The 48 Hour Film Project Seattle. These are a few of production crew who aren’t camera shy. From left to right: Jon Spieth, Iver Nitz, Serena Berry and Greyson Boevers. I […]

      Stunts, Safety & Saving Innocence: An Interview with Stuntwoman Emily Hopkins

      By smartygirl on September 16, 2013

      Associate Editor Erica Tyler is in charge of identifying 20 Ordinary Heroes in the Community this fall. At the end of the summer the Editor-in-Chief stumbled upon a league of such in West Los Angeles. Would you like to know one of them? She works on the team of Saving Innocence as an Intake and […]

      How to Light a Kid’s Bedroom When He or She is Bullied at School

      By smartygirl on October 21, 2011

      According to Nicole Gordon Levine of Beautystat.com, 48% of young adults age 17-22 experience or witness bullying at school or at work. Levine approves of Secret deodorant’s campaign, “Mean Stinks!” I reflected upon this and reviewed a lesson plan that I created in October 2002. My ninth graders were given the scenario, “What if you […]

      Filthy Friends’ “Emerald Valley” Music Review

      By Kai Shuart on August 1, 2019

      Filthy Friends’ Songwriter Corin Tucker Identifies with The Underdog Photo Credit: American Flag, Crying Child and Rotting Fruit by Unsplash         They say that, professionally speaking, it is difficult to review an artist of whom you are a fan. It compromises your objectivity and makes you an unreliable source of authority. Well, in the spirit of […]

      Embed Our Badge

      Smarty Girl Leadership

      Archives

      • August 2019
      • May 2018
      • January 2017
      • December 2016
      • November 2016
      • July 2016
      • December 2015
      • November 2015
      • October 2015
      • September 2015
      • August 2015
      • July 2015
      • June 2015
      • May 2015
      • April 2015
      • March 2015
      • February 2015
      • December 2014
      • November 2014
      • October 2014
      • August 2014
      • July 2014
      • May 2014
      • April 2014
      • March 2014
      • February 2014
      • January 2014
      • December 2013
      • November 2013
      • October 2013
      • September 2013
      • August 2013
      • July 2013
      • June 2013
      • May 2013
      • April 2013
      • March 2013
      • February 2013
      • January 2013
      • November 2012
      • October 2012
      • September 2012
      • August 2012
      • July 2012
      • June 2012
      • May 2012
      • April 2012
      • March 2012
      • February 2012
      • January 2012
      • December 2011
      • November 2011
      • October 2011

      Copyright © 2021 · Beautiful Pro Theme on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in